To expand a little on yesterday’s post about the customer always being right, Seth Godin recently made a post about why people complain.
One of the reasons he cites is, of course, to effect some sort of change. But he also identifies the following reasons:
Here are some others:
-to bond with others through shared experiences of dissatisfaction
-to let off steam
-to signal group affiliation
-to create hope that things might get better
-to increase one’s status by selfishly demanding more
-to gain affiliation by complaining on behalf of someone else
-to gain status by demanding more for others who can’t speak up
-to validate our feelings by seeking acknowledgment from others that their grievance is legitimate
-to preemptively lower expectations or manage blame
-to conceal our fear or embarrassment
-to avoid responsibility by pointing to someone else
-to establish dominance or control in a situation
It can be worth considering that we often don’t know the motivations behind complaints. Often people legitimately want to bring about some sort of change or resolution. Other times the endgame might be an increase in status or affiliation in the estimation of others or perhaps even for oneself.
In one of my early posts which I can’t find with the blog search function I noted that while people may be used to the idea of a money back guarantee, it isn’t a refund they really want when they register a complaint at a performing arts event. That is just sort of a default concept that has circulated.
If you have spent time getting dressed, going to dinner, finding parking, perhaps arranging for a babysitter, a refund probably isn’t going to provide actual satisfaction unless you are motivated by a desire to establish dominance, lower expectations, or perhaps manage blame for problems you have created. Even then getting the money back isn’t as important as having gotten compliance.
In that original post I had advised finding other solutions to resolve a person’s complaints than sending them home with their cash back. Despite not being able to find the post, I know that is what I advised because I have been operating under that philosophy for decades. To a certain extent Godin’s list somewhat solidifies that approach for me because he lists even more reasons for complaints than I had conceived of which may be more important for the complainer to achieve than getting the money back.
But the range of solutions you need to offer may need to be broader than just offering vouchers to other performances or drink tickets. If someone is complaining to advocate for things like greater accessibility for themselves or others, the changes they seek may be more significant.
