I’m pleased to welcome back guest author Alecia Lawyer, Executive Director/Founder/Principal Oboe of the River Oaks Chamber Orchestra who writes a deeply personal post about her response to a tragic event…..
Death begins a journey for the living. We seek the Why’s that lie dormant in our mind until the flood gates open from a dear friend passing in the midst of his happy life. Can’t send a plant, not a note (what do I write?!?), to his beloved wife and two beautiful kids the same age as mine. My only offering at first seems meek and self serving: “I would be happy to play oboe at his service” I say, with the sense of dread feeling “How do I breathe now?”
My purpose crystallizes as I move through this wondrous gift called Life. I have said that music is our language. We all say this. It, as an entity, can be what we in turn speak through, hide behind, share with friends and use to interpret composer’s thoughts. However, this time for me music became my wordless prayer. I have found solace in the “groanings of the Spirit” through my oboe’s voice. However, I love that music can also be joy and chocolate and sparkles and searing sun and thoughtful musings.
Can we keep our thoughts here? our purpose for the seemingly absurd repetition of passages? What a privilege that we have the option and can make the choice to get past the inanimate object placed in our hands and/or mouths, practicing our instruments in order to get rid of all physical limitations in order to say what we want to say. What I now know is that we were born as musicians to seek answers to our own personal Why’s through this unique Fluency.
Alecia Lawyer