So, this is what it feels like to have a loaded gun pointed at your head. It’s Friday, the General Dress rehearsal is tonight, and tomorrow we open. Yikes……..
It has been a trying couple of weeks. One thing I have discovered about myself is that I most probably do not have the mental fortitude to do this opera routine full time. There was a point last week when I came back to my apartment and made a couple quick assessments – 1) I could be packed in a little over an hour; 2) I could then get on the TGV in the morning to Paris; 3) NorthWest Airlines had room on the next flight out from Paris back home to Minneapolis (I checked); and 4) what is keeping me in Lyon?
I could run some spiel about professional commitments and all that, but in all honesty what kept me here was the orchestra. They have been wonderful to me. Very friendly, very co-operative, and very excited to play the score to Porgy & Bess. Oh, and did I mention they sound great? When you find an orchestra like this you realize that there is a obligation on your part, as the conductor, to do whatever you possibly can for them. In many ways they remind me of my own orchestra in Edmonton. There is a “if you lead us we will do our goddamndest to play to the best of our abilities because that’s our job and we are professionals” attitude. There is a kindred spirit between the ESO and the orchestra of the Opera de Lyon and I take my hat off to both of them. I found that I would not, could not, walk out on this band. Not after all the work they have put into the opera.
So, my suitcase stayed unpacked. On more than one occasion this past week I regretted that decision. The constant drumbeat of madness has left me extremely depressed, incapable of decent sleep, and most shocking of all – not eating. The only other time I can remember being off my feed was two years ago when my wife’s parents died in a car crash. On Wednesday, the day of the Pre-General, all I had to eat was a plate of rice.
There are bright points – I knew that the Pre-Gen was open to the public, but to my surprise when I walked into the pit the entire house was packed! For all intents and purposes this was our first full run-through, and it went better than it had any right to. There were a couple of bobbles. Almost everyone had a “DOH!” moment, including myself. From my position in the pit it is extremely difficult to gauge what is coming from the stage. The acoustics of the house are such that I must rely on my assistant to tell me what actually comes across to the audience.
We are also working on timing, and on continuity. Little things need to be addressed, such as dealing with the fact that anything sung upstage seems like it comes from a different time zone, and God help us if some of the singers aren’t directly facing the house when they sing a line, because it’s going to get swallowed up. Rumor has it that our “Porgy” has had a revelation about how difficult it is singing (and staging) the entire opera in a wheelchair. The cut in the closing trio (Bess, Oh Where’s My Bess?) that we had opened up a few weeks ago might get slammed closed again.
But the funny thing is I’m no longer fixated on opening night. We’ve already done the opera in front of a full house, we shall do so again tonight at the General, and opening night doesn’t seem like so much of a mental barrier anymore. I also have some friends in town to cheer me up. Melayne Shankel, the publicist of the ESO, is here. So is Elisabeth Withey, a writer for the Edmonton Journal whom I quite like. They are both blogging about the Porgy & Bess experience and I urge everyone to click on those links and check out their perspectives. Last night at dinner with them I laughed for the first time in days.
Well, here we go. Out of the corner of one eye I can still see that loaded gun pointed at my head. I just hope it doesn’t have a hair trigger.