{"id":1184,"date":"2011-10-17T08:00:11","date_gmt":"2011-10-17T08:00:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.insidethearts.com\/nondivisi\/?p=1184"},"modified":"2019-05-30T10:40:16","modified_gmt":"2019-05-30T15:40:16","slug":"bring-your-wallet-updated-fines","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/insidethearts.com\/nondivisi\/bring-your-wallet-updated-fines\/","title":{"rendered":"Bring your wallet (updated fines)."},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Now that we&#8217;re all back into the season full swing, I thought it would be fun to revisit a popular post from a couple of years ago. Different versions of this list have circulated for years, so again I encourage you to post comments with any suggestions for additional fines\/infractions.<\/p>\n<p>Also, it seemed appropriate to add a special management section, just as a sign of the times. Please note all management fines are per incident, but variable depending on current executive compensation.<\/p>\n<h2><strong>2011 Bonus Section<\/strong>:<\/h2>\n<h3>Management Fines<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>Creative accounting: $500.00<\/li>\n<li>Using the phrases &#8220;community engagement&#8221; or &#8220;new model&#8221; more than 75 times in one day: $200.00<\/li>\n<li>Plagiarizing Henry Fogel (verbal): $50.00<\/li>\n<li>Inability to identify Henry Fogel: $300.00<\/li>\n<li>Referring to ASOL (League) data from 1995 or before: $250.00<\/li>\n<li>Misinformed pension fund commentary (unintentional): $150.00<\/li>\n<li>Comical press gaffes: $25<\/li>\n<li>Any reference to a \u201c20 hour workweek\u201d: $3,000.00<\/li>\n<li>Using the words \u201cDetroit\u201d, \u201cPhiladelphia\u201d and \u201cnew model\u201d in the same sentence: $2,000.00<\/li>\n<li>General overuse of jargon or catchphrases (including above): $200.00<\/li>\n<li>Covert multi-year contract renewal: $2000.00<\/li>\n<li>Awkward fundraising speech before every subscription concert: $400.00<\/li>\n<li>Visible ponytail (male) : $500.00<\/li>\n<li>Habitual use of mystifying graphs and\/or pie charts: $300.00<\/li>\n<li>Loss of more than 10 titled players in one season: $1,000.00<\/li>\n<li>Loss of more than 25 staff in one season: $500.00<\/li>\n<li>Premature bankruptcy declaration: TBD<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>Musician Fines<\/h2>\n<h3>Impersonating a Professional<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>Stupid questions: $10.00<\/li>\n<li>Really stupid questions:$20.00<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3>Presumptuous First Year Behavior<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>Musicological Elucidation: $25.00<\/li>\n<li>Historical Nitpicking: $50.00<\/li>\n<li>Obtrusive Foot Tapping: $10.00<\/li>\n<li>Uninvited Conducting: $15.00<\/li>\n<li>Questioning Concertmaster\u2019s or Principal\u2019s Bowings (strings): $25.00<\/li>\n<li>Comparing Concertmaster\u2019s or Principal\u2019s bowings with what\u00a0 Philadelphia did under Ormandy: $100.00<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3>Toadying<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>Insane Cackling at Conductor\u2019s Jokes: $50.00<\/li>\n<li>Loud and Forced Phony Laugh at Conductor\u2019s Jokes: $20.00<\/li>\n<li>Unwarranted Beatific Smile While Playing: $40.00<\/li>\n<li>Ridiculously Minute Bowing\/Breathing Questions: $75.00<\/li>\n<li>Conversing With Conductor in Language Other Than English: $95.00<\/li>\n<li>Active and Public Nodding in Agreement With Conductor: $35.00<\/li>\n<li>Pencil Behind Ear: $25.00<\/li>\n<li>Conspicuous Part Marking: $15.00<\/li>\n<li>Pencil Clattering on Stand After Conspicuous Part Marking: $300.00<\/li>\n<li>Taking Much Longer Than Entire String Section to Finish Minor Bowing Change: $100.00<\/li>\n<li>Obvious, Insipid Consultation of Conductor\u2019s Score During Break: $150.00<\/li>\n<li>Reference to Obscure Recordings\/Performances: $90.00<\/li>\n<li>Pretending to Understand Absurd Metaphor During Rehearsal: $15.00<\/li>\n<li>Actually Understanding Absurd Metaphor: $25.00<\/li>\n<li>Informing Conductor That They Have More Rehearsal Time Than They Think: $2000.00<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Annoying Behavior By Veterans<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Playing High Notes Louder Than Possible (Brass): $25.00<\/li>\n<li>Holding Same 1\/4 Beat Longer Than Everyone Else: $200.00<\/li>\n<li>Discussing Technique During Rehearsal: $100.00<\/li>\n<li>Discussing Technique During Break : $200.00<\/li>\n<li>Discussing Technique With Guest Artist (at any time): $500.00<\/li>\n<li>Tiresome, Time-Consuming Anecdotes: $30.00<\/li>\n<li>Tiresome, Time-Consuming Anecdotes About Famous Musician (Second-Hand): $60.00<\/li>\n<li>Tiresome, Time-Consuming Anecdotes About Famous Musician (First-Hand): $90.00<\/li>\n<li>Feigning European Birth by \u201clapsing\u201d into Foreign Languages: $150.00<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>General Obnoxious Behavior<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Inviting Conductor to Party: $15.00<\/li>\n<li>Inviting Soloist to Party: $100.00<\/li>\n<li>Showing Pictures of Soloist at Party During First Service Following Party: $200.00<\/li>\n<li>Warming Up Onstage More Than 30 Minutes Before Service: $50.00<\/li>\n<li>Warming Up Onstage So Loudly No One Else Can: $100.00<\/li>\n<li>Warming Up Backstage So Loudly No One Else Can: $250.00<\/li>\n<li>Warming Up Loudly With Solo Part of Concerto To Be Performed by Guest Artist : $400.00<\/li>\n<li>Continuing to Tune Loudly After Everyone Else Finishes: $10.00<\/li>\n<li>Unnecessarily Obvious Insertion of Earplugs: $15.00<\/li>\n<li>Habitual Use of Earplugs Regardless of Repertoire (e.g. Pachelbel Canon): $65.00<\/li>\n<li>Conversing With Management (non-hostile): $25.00<\/li>\n<li>Forwarding \u201cFunny\u201d Email to Other Musicians: $200.00<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Now that we&#8217;re all back into the season full swing, I thought it would be fun to revisit a popular post from a couple of years ago. Different versions of this list have circulated for years, so again I encourage you to post comments with any suggestions for additional fines\/infractions. Also, it seemed appropriate to add a special management section, just as a sign of the times. Please note all management fines are per incident, but variable depending on current executive compensation. 2011 Bonus Section: Management Fines Creative accounting: $500.00 Using the &#8230; <a title=\"Bring your wallet (updated fines).\" class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/insidethearts.com\/nondivisi\/bring-your-wallet-updated-fines\/\" aria-label=\"Read more about Bring your wallet (updated fines).\">Continue Reading<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":34,"featured_media":1198,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"generate_page_header":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[26,27,29],"tags":[85,84],"class_list":["post-1184","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-basics","category-current-events","category-funny-things","tag-management-fines","tag-orchestra-fines","resize-featured-image"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/insidethearts.com\/nondivisi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1184","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/insidethearts.com\/nondivisi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/insidethearts.com\/nondivisi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insidethearts.com\/nondivisi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/34"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insidethearts.com\/nondivisi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1184"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/insidethearts.com\/nondivisi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1184\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insidethearts.com\/nondivisi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1198"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/insidethearts.com\/nondivisi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1184"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insidethearts.com\/nondivisi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1184"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/insidethearts.com\/nondivisi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1184"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}